Old Wives and Their Tales

One of the joys of motherhood is learning from my mother. Some of her lessons, though, make me think she might be insane. Recently, my husband and I took our little guy for his first haircut, much to the chagrin of my mother. He’s less than a year old and, in her mind, to have his hair cut before he turns one is blasphemous.

I will admit I was hesitant to do it. Heck, hubby wanted to do it when he was four months old, but for practical reasons, like his head was still wobbly and he couldn’t sit up on his own, I convinced him we had to wait. I finally caved a few weeks before Thanksgiving when we realized the little guy could now rock a man bun. Or would it be a baby bun? I digress…

I took before and after photos and filmed the whole experience, and shared it with our family. My mother immediately called and asked why we did it and said now he isn’t going to talk. My husband and I exchanged a “She’s cray cray” and moved the conversation along. Then she thought that his hair protected his soft spot, a more logical reason not to cut his hair so young. But the damage was already done. We didn’t buzz the whole thing like my husband wanted but instead trimmed it up so at least it all laid flat, and it didn’t look like he was trying to channel Albert Einstein.

It’s important to note that my family is West Indian, so there are old wives’ tales galore. So many, in fact, as I try to think of some to share right now, they are all getting jumbled in my head. Maybe that’s because I ate something that one time that now affects my cognitive thought.

I know that if my son talks as much as he babbles, we’re probably going to wish there was some truth to the whole haircut thing.

Poop and Drool and Puke, Oh My!

Pee, poop, drool, puke. These are a few of my least favorite things about being a mom. My husband would tell you I’m lying about the poop because I would get excited in the first few weeks of our son’s life if he pooped. All you mamas know that your little pooping is a sign of good health. My husband thought I was full of, well, poop.

Either way…bodily fluids are the gross part of parenting.

The first person my son peed on was his dad. It was a funny miracle because he completely missed his diaper and got it all on my husband. I laughed. A lot.

I did not laugh when he peed on me the first time, mostly because I was dressed for work and had to change my clothes.

The pediatrician called my son a “happy spitter,” which means that the copious amounts of puke that came out of his mouth were fine because he was gaining weight. Thankfully, he is out of this happy spitting phase, but it does make me wonder how much he would actually weigh if he had kept all his food in his body. Now I’m wondering if breastfeeding would have been so miserable if he’d kept his food down…

Once you get used to the pee, poop, and puke, the drooling starts. Drooling is the rudest of fluids. It is non-stop. It makes everything slimy. Between a bib, tissues, and my shirt, I’m a human napkin.

One day he’ll be old enough to clean himself, and I may miss using my good sweater to wipe his nose — don’t even get me started on the snot! — but for now, I’m at the beck and call of all his orifices.