Tag: balance

Just Call Me Stuck-in-a-Rut Mama!

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Originally, this post started as me venting about how stuck in a loop I’ve been feeling. How much some days I want to let the kids take control. Nothing will shake you out of a routine like a winter in New England.

C came into our room around 1 AM — not really that abnormal — and couldn’t/wouldn’t go back to sleep — also not that abnormal — until I gave him some melatonin. While he got back to sleep, I was fully awake, playing Solitaire on my phone when A’s alarm went off at 4:30.

As I lay there lamenting my lack of sleep, A came rushing back to our bedroom, letting me know it had snowed overnight — it was raining when we went to bed — and he wasn’t going to have time to shovel our “only annoying that it’s big when it snows” driveway, so I’d have to do it to clear it for the school bus! Yay.😑

Somewhere in the middle of clearing the left entrance — we have a U-shaped driveway — the call came in that school was cancelled for the day. Why? I’m not really sure. They’d already cleared the street, and there was only about two inches in the driveway.

So my loop was interrupted by the weather and school cancellations. While the one day interruption was “pleasant,” it won’t fix the stuck way I’ve been feeling as of late.

My loop currently looks something like this: wake up. Work out. Get C dressed. Make C breakfast. Make and pack lunch and snack for C. Find something for J to eat because he doesn’t like eggs. Shower. Brush C’s teeth. Get him on the school bus. Spend the day entertaining J/cleaning/attempting to work on side projects. Rinse, lather, repeat.

I also find myself having the same conversation with the boys every day — “Stop fighting!”, “Pick up your toys!”, “Go to the potty!” It’s a miracle I still know other words in the English language.

There are some days when I’m so sick of the routine that I want to just let the boys go wild(er than usual) and let the chips fall where they may.

Of course, I can’t do that. I’ve been working on potty training J this week and have to make sure he doesn’t pee behind the couch…again. The boys also have a tendency to get into wrestling matches, usually at C’s instigation, and I have to make sure they don’t kill each other. So what’s a burnt out, stuck-in-a-rut mama to do?

Keep calm, take a breath, and soldier on. Also, hide in the pantry and eat snack pack Pringles…and pour a glass of wine while making dinner.

But seriously, I think I need to find something to balance out the everyday mundanity. Committing to my #65in365 goal is helping to keep me a little bit sane. I get most of my reading done when J insists that I can’t work, and I must watch Cocomelon/Little Angels/Blippi/Spidey and his Amazing Friends with him. Outside of that, though, what’s a stuck-in-a-rut mama to do?

I know that these things I’m complaining about are all part of motherhood, but isn’t that all the more reason to find a way to achieve the “just treading water” feeling of only communicating with toddlers all day? What’s your thing to help combat stay-at-home mom burnout?

I’m a Living, Breathing Comforter Object

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A few weeks ago, as we continued to work through C’s sleep issues, I found myself covered in children. Both boys made their way into our room in the middle of the night, as is typical. J used me as his mattress while pushing his brother away whenever he got close, trying to cuddle. Not being able to curl up next to me, C took my outstretched arm and adjusted it like a pillow, made himself comfortable, and went back to sleep.

I lay there for a moment, baffled by what just happened. My body stopped being my own, and I was a comfort object. A wubbie. A blankly. A favorite stuffy. I’m my kids’ comfort object.

As far as non-mommy comfort objects go, C had two: his wubbie and the baby blanket my godmother made for him. He loved his wubbie. Whenever he couldn’t find it, he’d walk around the house saying, “Wubbieeeee, where are you?!” We tried to ween him off of it with varying degrees of success depending on the day and his mood. We did a good job of it until the pandemic hit, and his world shifted. I decided to let him keep it and restart the weaning process later. As we were broaching the topic again, he decided on his own. One night during bedtime, he was upset, and we tried to give his wubbie to him, and he said, “No!” And then he never asked for it again.

The blanket he still uses from time to time. It lays at the foot of his bed, ready to be used at any moment. The other night when we were settling into bedtime, C got the blanket. He also brought in J’s version of the blanket, proceeded to tuck him in, then made himself cozy under his. My sweet boy.

J never really latched on to anything other than me for comfort. He likes his blanket well enough, and his stuffies are alright, but for him, there’s nothing like lying on my chest to fall asleep. This is equally sweet and frustrating. Sweet for the obvious reasons of bonding, love, etc. Frustrating because sometimes, after a day is being pulled and pushed in multiple directions. The last thing I want is to lie prone while he finds a comfortable spot to fall asleep on. I may sound like an asshole, but this kid tosses and turns over my body like a freshly caught fish flopping on a dock.

As I write this, J is curled up next to me in my bed, using my shoulder as a pillow. I know I should, and I do cherish these moments because there will come a time when cuddling with me is the absolute last thing they’ll want to do. It’s just a struggle sometimes to find some autonomy for myself while being any and everything to my boys.

Balance is the Key to Everything…

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the fact of the matter is babies change everything. What once was a clean house with beautiful things soon becomes the most expensive toy box ever. We are constantly putting away toys, which are immediately taken out and thrown into different areas of the house. The other day, I found one of my son’s number blocks behind the rocking chair in his room. The rest of the blocks? They were in his playroom on the other side of the house!

Working with your partner is the key to keeping your sanity on the days when you’ve just about had it with the rest of the world. Sometimes even trying to work with your partner is a pain in the neck. There will come a day when you will argue over dishes, folding the laundry, or even whose turn it is to change the poop diaper. I personally think serving as the kid’s toilet for nine months should get moms a pass on poop diapers…that might just be me, though.

No one ever really wins in the battle over chores. Inevitably, someone ends up angrily doing dishes, wishing there was a way to 1. slam the dishes without breaking them and 2. slam the dishes without waking the walking, talking, eating, pooping tornado that is your toddler. Smothering your spouse with a pillow is also not an option (there are no show tunes in prison).

It’s our prerogative as moms to ensure the little sh*t gets done. The food gets put away, the stove gets wiped down, and everyone is tucked in all snug for the night. We just can’t do it alone. It doesn’t matter if you stay at home or work; everyone needs help.

As we continue this crazy routine called adulthood and parenting, you must continue working hard to find the balance. It’s not easy. Nothing ever is. It’s also not a constant. The only constant in life is change. As we change, we must adjust our stance on the tightrope to keep our balance.

All we can do is try. Try not to kill each other. Try to keep all the toys in the toy box, or at the very least, in the same freaking room. And make our very best love our kids with everything we have. Like my BFF4L (best friend for life) keeps telling me: keep having the hard conversations, and we’ll find the right balance for everything.