‘Tis the season to be jolly…and stressed out and overwhelmed with holiday to-do lists. Sometime in the last fifteen-ish years, moms across the country (maybe the world; I don’t know) have been moving a creepy little doll around their house to encourage their children to be on their best behavior. While the concept is good in theory, the perceived one-upmanship that parents (mostly moms) engage in to have said elf end up in different silly positions every morning is a little too much for me.
Every year since I’ve had my boys, I’ve hemmed and hawed about introducing the red velvet-clad whimsical creature into our home, but then I see all the scenarios that my girlfriends, acquaintances, and perfect strangers create for the doll, and I tap out. While acknowledging their creativity, I also see the mess I would have to clean up. I get tired just looking at the toys spread from the living room to the toy room, not to mention the toy room itself. I look at those chaotic, albeit funny, scenes and think, “Nope. I don’t want to clean that up.” Hence, we don’t have an elf on our mantle, in our pantry, or emerging from the toilet tank…
I also think it’s a weird lesson in voyeurism that I don’t need to teach my boys. There are already enough places in the world for them to get questionable messaging. Teaching them that this doll is doing recon for Santa Claus, so they better behave, doesn’t quite sit well with me. Hell, I’m grateful that they haven’t started asking questions about the big guy yet because that’s another mind fuck that I don’t want to explain. My kids ask questions. They want to understand. They’re kind of unique and annoying that way. Also, poor J already told me he’s afraid of the dark. I don’t need to give him another reason to look over his little shoulder.
I can also say with 97% certainty the whole elf thing will backfire on me. C and J will find different places for the elf to hide, and I won’t be able to find it. I’m still looking for one of J’s water bottles that he used FOUR DAYS ago!
So no, there is not now nor will there ever be a spritely elf on any self in this household. I wish hearty good luck to all the parents who partake in this tradition. I’ll be over here watching the inventive disorder on my cell phone as I avoid my last-minute shopping until the last minute and try to keep the kids away from the gifts that have already been purchased.
The Saucy Mama 