What is free time? I have no idea anymore. At any point during the day when I’m not working, cooking, or cleaning, my time is occupied by the boys. I don’t know why I thought about this the other day, but I don’t think I ever really appreciated all the free time I had when I was single.

I’ve always been a homebody, no question, but there were times when I would get the itch to grab my camera and explore the world around me. When I lived in New York, I’d hop on the train and get off at a random stop and walk around. Take in the sights, smells, and sounds.

When I moved back Boston, I’d hop on my bike and ride down all the streets I grew up just passing by and really saw the city where I lived.

When I was single, I read all the time too. I finished the first book in the Game of Thrones series in ONE DAY. Now it takes me five days to complete books that are a third of the length. I miss being able to move about the world on my own without having to make sure the diaper bag is stocked and negotiating behavior before going into a store. I miss being able to spend all day reading if I want to.

I haven’t explored the world with my camera in a long time, but I do take pictures of my boys almost every day. I get to see our little bubble world through their eyes, and it’s just as cool. Some days, a little bit cooler than people-watching in Central Park.

As for reading — and writing these blog posts — I do them in what I call the “in-between times.” In between arriving at an OT appointment and leaving or swim lessons. While I watch them in the bathtub, while I’m waiting for a pan to warm up. Those are the little moments I take for myself. It’s not a lot, but time isn’t on my side.

Not a lot of time for myself. Not a lot of time to run errands. Not a lot of time to kiss their chubby little feet before they become massive sweaty feet.

I think we could all use a little bit more time.